The Body Practice

 I am going to get hypnotised today.  At the beginning of the year, I started a class at the University to learn about Hypnosis.  Occasionally, our professor will ask for volunteers to demonstrate something.  Today, I am going to go under to address a fear I have of dying in my early to mid 40’s.  Since I turned 40 a week ago, the timing for this work couldn’t be more timely.

It might sound out of the blue that someone would fear dying so early in life or you may wonder where that comes from.  You see my grandfather died when he was 45.  Then my mother started to fear that she would.  They were close and I think she related strongly with him.  Her actual fear was that she wouldn’t make it to 45.  On her 45th birthday, she cried with relief.  Her fear hadn’t come true.  But seven months later, she had an untimely heart attack.  Boom!  She was in a coma and died 3 weeks later.  Was it Fate? Was it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Was it just a conincident?

Whatever it was, there is this part of me that has adopted her fear.  I have worked on it in therapy, journaled about it, tried to stop the thought…but bits of it still sit around like a stain I just can’t get rid of. 

Being overweight lends itself to supporting that mindset. Does the mindset create the weight?  Does the weight create the mindset? Some people believe that weight is not a reflection of health as much as activity is a reflection of health.  Thin people drop dead all the time.  My mother was thin and her father before her, that didn’t stop them from dying early.

This blog sounds pretty depressing, but in truth, it is about hope.  My teacher talks about being able to visit with the unconscious.  My hope is that she will make a good contact today. That the stain will be wiped clean and any part of my soul that is wounded by the fear can be healed forever. 

 I would like my 40’s to be a winding up time instead of a winding down time, a time of empowerment and manifestation, a time of fullness and fulfillingness, a time in which I can relax into life instead of fighting it.  A decade of becoming and beckoning rather than suppressing and forced sustaining. I would like this to be MY time.  I want to live for me, not live someone elses expectations of me. I want to set the rules and then break them for my own benefit.  I want today to feel like it is the day when I get my life given back to me so that I can run off with it into the bright sun of my vitality soaked existance.

Today, I cross the threshold, leaving behind the fears my mother and grandfather would never had wished me to inherit from them. Today, I claim a long, beautiful life, filled with connections, love, creativity, prosperity and grace.

Blessings,

Rae