When Fat Sticks Around
A few years ago, I began an inward and downward spiral of not feeling so great about myself, my life, or my body. I could feel 40 moving forward like an out of control freight train, lifetime dreams passing me by and my perception all out of wack with I-wish-I-coulda’s and but-I-never-got-ta’s. The stress started to pour out of me, flooding my life with anxiety. My relationships suffered, my self-esteem suffered, my weight increased and all that caused more stress. I would have a few times of reprive when I might see things clearly, but it seemed I would get wiped out again. 
I decided to invest in taking care of myself in a holistic way…that is to say, I would practice loving myself. Truely understanding and building compassion with genuineness for who I was…all the broken parts, rolls of fat, hair in weird places, uneven, smelly, realness that makes up me. And more than that, I would love myself to look at the beauty of myself as well. The way the little mound of roundness just above my bellybutton feels when I sit in my car or the way the scar on my wrist tells a special story about me, the way my mouth twist when I smile and the way my husbands had has a long undulating journey when he runs it down the side of my body. I wanted to look at myself in the way some does who wants to know and care about every little nuance.
Somewhere along the way, that became more the norm than doubting myself. Somewhere along the way, I started to relax and trust in myself and in the way I make life happen…in a way I don’t ever remember doing. And then I practiced being courageous in small ways. And that made a little bit of change happen. So I practiced being more courageous and I looked for the change. And the change was there.
Then the things I had wanted to change for along time, like feeling depressed and anxious, fat and listless…those things subsided and were replaced by energy, awareness, hope, and faith in my self and in the power of love.
This week I realized I am not depressed anymore. I feel a weight lift. And as it does, the fat stops sticking around. Gosh, and I swear that some of the same things I am doing now, I have done before without any change in the scales. The fat seems to stick around more when you are….when I am depressed or down heartened. But practicing LOVE gives me a light heart…and that is creating a lighter body. It doesn’t match what the diet books say. But it is true in my life. When things are sticky in my life…the fat sticks around. When I let go…so does the fat.
Grateful for the light that is shining on me and grateful for the courage to invest in things that feed my spirit.
Rae
Beautiful!! So many of us are stuck in that hate mode and I find that really sad–we are who we are and we while can change many things–some things are still “us”. Thank you for sharing this very important message with us.
You are so right, I too have decided to be happy and I find myself singing and jumping around and basicly working on being happy and removing myself from stress and I too have lost weight and kept it off longer than I ever did before. I have lots more to lose, but have fun while your doing it, you only live once so make the most of your time learning to love yourself and also forgive yourself for your failures and just keep at it.
Keep up the good work, you are an inspiration. Flower…..
Oh Girl…..I am so emotionally stirred right now I cant even bring words…..ok, big breath….I know that journey!
When I started learning the light of love, when I started dropping away all the hate I had within myself for myself, when I started learning how to love myself, was when my body started to loose the fat, it was like a chain reaction…..the process of loving myself was, so sad to say, so very alien to me, I had for so long, lived in a dark cavern of my own self loathing…….I dont know exactly how I started bringing about love into myself, it started sometime during the end of last year…..I used to spend a lot of time star gazing……first feeling oh so small, then slowly feeling apart of something so much bigger than all the petty things in this small human life…..then a feeling of oneness, oneness with all things came on and thats where I think I found the love, the love I needed to save my life….October of 2007, I tried to end my existence, on my way out the door to drink my pill cocktail I had created, I fell and almost broke my ankle, the Universe knew I would come around and learn to Love….
Love will heal us all if we just open our arms and receive it….
You are such a beautiful person my friend, thank you for sharing yourself with us….true inspiration flows from you to us! I am so glad to know you!
Peace Always,
Leah♥
I TOO can totally relate to this. It is all so true and I am so happy that it is happening for US! You put it so beautifully. Thank you!
Thanks for this blog. I completely relate to this. Thanks for posting on my blog about it!
ahhhhhhh……………….
Thank you for sharing this Rae. You always get it just right on, but today I really felt even more of you and it just was, peaceful and lovely. That one pic of the lawn figure, just made me in awe of it all…… Relaxation and acceptance….freedom and self love.
Have a beaUtiful weekend Beautiful Lady!
Happy Easter! *hugs*