The Body Practice

Hey Buddy-Women and Men

 Just a quick note to share my most recent Body Celebration.  Those of you who keep up with my blog know that I don’t diet.  What is she doing her?! You may wonder.  Well there are a few of us around who follow the ways of Intuitive Eating.  I have made that path my own and have even tweeked it to serve my own needs.  I also practice rigorous self-love and self-care. 

Well, all my good intentions are paying off.  I feel better about my body than I have in years…my body feels better than it has in years….I am moving better, less pain, more strength and flexibility.  Most importantly, my feelings about food are changing.  And I am eating in a way that really feels good.  No pills, no rules.  Just listening to and honoring my body.

Then there is the scale.  It is steadily moving DOWN. 

So for those of you who are Intuitive Eaters….you may know this on your own….It is Working!

 Love to all, whatever your path,

Rae

The house and street are quiet this morning, a cool breeze like I am unlikely to have for much longer in this climate sneaks in thru a window I seldom open.  I have made a place for myself in the dining room of our Cape Cod style cottage home.  The dining room has been the lost sheep of our home for the now three years we have lived here.  It first held our unpacked boxes, then when we discovered the upstairs bathroom leaking on the downstairs bathroom, it became a dumping ground for the fix-it crew’s equipment.  When we finally could afford a new tub for upstairs, a deep soaking tub guarenteed to rival any good massage, we couldn’t afford to have it installed, so the tub tauntingly sat, taking up a good 1/4th of the room.  When our roommate moved in, the dining room became the art studio.  (It is exhausting just thinking of all the moving in and moving out we have done in this room.) 

 But as of two weeks ago, this room is officially for dining.  A mostly empty wrought iron baker’s rack sits in one corner, a barristers bookshelf across from it and a compact drop-leaf table we use to serve from sits in another.  The centerpiece of the room is a round oak table with the scrapes and scratches due any table that has served a family for the many generations that this one has. We call it the family table rather than the dining room table, because even though the house is 60 years old as this year, the table has seen many more winters than it has.

I wonder to myself what stories this table and this home could tell if invited.  Like a small school child eager to be heard and witnessed, I beg the attention of the audience, hoping to add my own private stories to the bard’s repertoire. But what shall the narrative say of me and my journey? 

A million possibilities float in and out of my mind.  Some say words create reality.  To them, I offer stories of myself steeped in a million miniscule triumphs over the giaganic culture of non-nurturing food, over the multi-media mind numbing campaign against bodies of substance; to them, I offer my happy ending as it is built on the ever-present opportunity for happy being.

I am from southern Texas….about an hour and a half from the Mexican border.  Around here, Spring Break is a big deal.  People travel from all over to spend their time and money to capture a bit of freedom.   And even though I am almost 40, I have made spring break a part of my yearly celebrations, even if in the smallest way.

Last year at this time, I had started back to school and was looking forward to a true spring break…no school, no work….then BAM!  I got sick.  Sick enough to send me to the hospital.  What a bummer.

Flash forward to this year.  I am in the middle of my spring break…and I am feeling great.  I am getting time with family and friends….indulging in good food and fun….and enjoying the great outdoors. 

I have a list in my head of things to do….

A bit of homework….time with my love….time alone…..sszzzleep…..clean house…..pay bills…..ride my bike….walk….water…..pay attention to my body….pamper myself….make no plans…..

So far it is working beautifully!

Things have slowed down in my life for the time being.  I have had a few difficult weeks with losing two family members in the middle of midterms, with a party scheduled for another family member, a messy house and hubby with plenty of his own commitments. 

 I have spent the last 24 hours mostly on the couch or sleeping, making time for dinner, a two hour job commitment and paying the mortgage.  The couch has been my self-care buddy.  We have two couches and a love seat in our home.  One is very old….from the 70’s probably.  It is in pretty good condition, sports orange sherbet and tan upholstery (which 6 years ago I would have argued with you if you would have told me it would be in my house)….but it goes well with the glowing orange and gold kimono a friend passed on to me…looks quite quirky and artistic with its mixed matched jacard bedspread and hand embroided pillows (both from estate sales).  And I guarentee no one has one like it.  It has been there for me this last year and a half.  It was my bed when I was sick with my back, my friend when I grieved over the loss of my baby and a good cuddle buddy when hubby was working all night. So, now I melt onto it.  Letting it accept me, knowing it will give relief to body, mind, and spirit.  Exploding with cushioned delight and tiddying up for the primmest of company….never giving my secrets away.

Tea is on the stove, waiting to sit with me there.  It too is part of my self-care.  My ankles are swollen with too much time in the car, on the computer, and the havoc played by hormones.  So I will sit on the couch, tea in hand, spirit soothed, waiting of the next class, next commitment, next moment alone with my love. 

This is part of my Body Practice.  Rigorous self-love.  Pull up a pillow and join me.  There’s plenty of room.

Rae 

The weekend is upon me, and I am flirting with the perfection monster while feeling not quite up to the tasks ahead of me.  I will stay away from the details of my tasks and focus on how I am feeling. 

Can you say overwhelmed?  What possessed me to give a party the weekend after midterms on the biggest art week of my husband’s year?!  Love of a friend…a cousin, in fact.  I don’t regret it.  Once I jump through the hoops the pay-off will be huge, I know.  A house filled with women, celebrating a woman.  Those are good times.  Those are the times I want to remember when I  have more mundane memories than I know what to do with.

But until the payoff, I am faced with cleaning house.  A lot of progress has been made, but there is still a lot to do. And I am not feeling in tip top condition.  I feel sickly, weak and like living in the bed for the weekend.  That’s what makes today the hardest.  As I am writing, I realize that is probably to be expected.  I keep writing around another subject, trying not to go into it here.  The subject is death.

Before I get started, let me say, overall, I am in a good place.  But I am sad and scared. In the last two weeks my father’s side of the family has lost two loved ones.  And it is shocking and makes me feel SO human.  SO vulnerable.  SO shakeable. It really puts my own existence and that of the people I care about in a different perspective.  DEATH. 

Now for the most part, I have a good relationship with dying. I got that from my mom’s passing in 1990.  This many years later, I think I know a thing or two about it. But it took me for a loop for a long time.  I had to learn to we a woman with out THE woman of my life there.  Now because of her passing and the depths that it sent me to, I think I turned out pretty damn good! 

But the grief of the past few weeks has me turning inward on a day when I am hostessing a party.  Inward turning and socializing are a hard little mixture.  Geez!  Blogging is good.  I was feeling like such a loser!  I was thinking I was just lazy for not wanting to clean my house.  But nah, I am just feeling my feelings.  Yay, me.

Thanks for listening.  Thanks for your support.  Thanks for a safe place where I can share.

Rae