The Body Practice

With much gratitude, I dedicate this blog to the part of myself which had vision enough to trust a new way to find peace for my mind and heart regarding my body. 

Last year about this time, I began looking for a way out of the relentless grind in my mind of negitive BODY TALK.  There was that IBSC (Itty Bitty Shitty Committee) going on about the way this part looked or the way that part moved, how much space this part took up or who large this was compared to this person or that.  My heart ached with the constant barrage of imperfection.

 Then there was the commentary from the World.  Pictures of perfect bodies, airbrushed to make them even more perfect.  Looks from strangers and messages of this diet, that operation, or this magic pill.   And the inevitable whispered talks from “well-meaning” family or friends about how I should try what their friend tried…etc. etc. etc.  If you don’t know the drill first hand, I bet you can at least relate!

Then Fate played a little trick on me.  As I was starting to exercise and push myself into the “perfect body”, I was stricken with a pain in my back and leg so horrible that I could find no relief, could not stand, or sit, bend, or lay without screaming pain.  Surprisingly this became a blessing.

A friend had lent me a CD about be curious when things are difficult.  Instead of wishing them away or attempting to push them out of your life, the woman on the tape encourage me to simply wonder what that might feel like…experience it without judgement…be in the moment.

The pain began to subside.  And eventually I began practicing this curiosity in other areas where “Pain” was present…. even the pain of existence.  So what was it like to be in this body if I was not trying to change it? What if….. instead of hating my body, I loved it? What would that look like?

I became very curious about it. 

What if instead of having a weigh-loss ticker or exercise measuring gauge on my homepage…what if I could have a self-love ticker.  What would it look like?  How could I give myself credit for self-love?  And would loving myself help me to lose weight or would it just keep me where I was?  Was it fair to want to lose weight if I was trying to love my body as it was?

(I know…LOTS of questions….but that is what happens when I get curious.)

Flash Forward to today. 

I found myself making rally good choices for my body.  And not the kind where I have to really talk myself into eating the way I SHOULD.  It’s more like ….NATURAL.  I look for the healthiest choice at each meal.  I have anything I want and then cut back a bit for the next meal, or next day.  I find myself LOOKING more beautiful…although I can’t really tell you why.

I think my skin glows with self-love. I think my husband is more attracted to me.  I get winks from guys at University.  Could it be that self-love has this much POWER?!

A few of us have been dialoguing about Self-Love, Body Acceptance and Intuitive Eating in the Weightloss Challenge Forum.  I can’t tell you how refreshing it is to have a place in the world where caring for your body holds more importance than the media images and body biases that much of the world pushes.

I am so grateful for Buddy Slim…as I know many of us are.  This has been the place where loving myself… flaws and all…. took root.  I am starting to see the leaves on my stems and expect flowers and fruit before too long.

 Rae