The Body Practice

Give me an “H”….”H”!   Give me a “2″….”2″!    Give me an “O”…”O”!  What does it spell?  WATER!  Yay!  I have been feeling really stuck and guzzling the wet stuff got me out of my rut.  I know it isn’t a secret at all.  We hear about it ALL the time…get in your 8 glasses of water.  Did you get yours in today?  But my gosh, it does do some great good. 

I got up today after feeling sick the last several days.  I was sitting on the couch and stuck my right foot out in front of me and realized my ankle appeared the size it is supposed to be!  Later, I slipped on my pants to run off to school and had to keep tugging them up because I was afraid they might ride down below my hips and make their way down to my ankles.  WHEN HAVE I EVER HAD THAT FEAR!  Never!

But the last several days, my mind has just changed or shifted a bit.  I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the idea of losing weight.  I have been the big girl since 3rd grade.  My doctor says she wouldn’t know me any other way…she isn’t one of those who tries to shove weightloss surgery and stuff on me…I think she just wants me to love myself.  I think maybe that is the strongest medicine!

So my dad started in with the surgery stuff last week.  I listened and let it slide right over me.  He studdered because he know he was on thin ice from all the fights we have had in the past about weight.  But I just stayed centered.  When I walked away, I wondered what had changed.  I don’t just think I don’t have to be thin in my lifetime.  I saw a woman the other day who had lost a lot of weight and the skin just hung on her.  That is okay for her…but I just want to feel good.  I don’t have to be so thin that my skin doesn’t fit. 

I rememeber weighing about 275 at one point and feeling like a ROCKSTAR.  People treated me like one too.  That would be a weighloss of about 50ish pounds.  Isn’t that doable?!  I think it must be.  And I want it to happen. 

Honestly though, some things have to change for it to happen.  I have to eat from home more.  I am addicted to resturant food.  In church this evening, a woman I know was struggling over addiction.  I felt sorry for her, but in reality, there are things that I don’t stop any more than she does.  I am addicted to fast eating…not necessarily fast food….just food that you sit down, say what you want, and it magically appears before you in a few minutes.  Or the magic window you drive up to, say what you want and it ends up in your hand and down your throat before your car stops again.

That is not the life I want.  It has so little meaning.  But when I cook my own food and can be creative, make something that is healthy…pray before I eat and then mindfully nourish myself, that’s the Slow Foood way. 

And exercise.  This afternoon as I was walking to my class, I felt so amazing!  I got to the class without my feet or back hurting.  This is a vast difference from the year before when I considered dropping out of school because I was in more pain than I thought I could handle.  But life is good for me right now.  I walk a long way through the campus.  I am doing it!

So I just wanna say to everyone that visits my blog that I believe I can do it today.  I wanna see 275.  That may sound like a lot to some people, but it would be a blessing for me.  It’s all relative.  It felt so amazing when I was there before.  I had lots of energy and felt good about the way I looked.  I felt good about myself.

Thanks for listening,

Rae